I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
