They should really pass out barf bags in church
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
