How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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