the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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