Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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