OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
