1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
