Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
