1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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