I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
