hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
