btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
