i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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