you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
