If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
