In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
