do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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