Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
