like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
