Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
