is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
