guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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