i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
