Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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