trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
