Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have fence marks all over my body
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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