Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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