The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
