yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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