he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm too high and old for this...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
