i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
