I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
