the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
