We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Randomize
