I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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