cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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