Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
