Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
