I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
