Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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