who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
