when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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