But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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