hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
