do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize