But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
