do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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