So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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