On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
