u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
