she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
