If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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