Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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