My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
