I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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