guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
