I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
