Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
