does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
