In the future we'll all be gay
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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