The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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