You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
