I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
