yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
