so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
