apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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