we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Randomize
