need another drink. this is the easiest way
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
