I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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