NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
