i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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