I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
