Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
