Someone shit on the floor
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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