I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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