They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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