I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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