I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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