Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
